Mine isn't even worth 40 bucks a week. That's what it costs to speak with a mental health councelor that I have been hoping she would go and see for some time now. Her absolute lack of patience and her rabid stubbornness have left me with someone who is very critical and uncompromising. Someone who finds fault with just about everything I do, and takes out on me all of her frustrations. And denies it ALL, every step of the way.

I am the reason she is unwed. I am the reason she has no children. I am the reason she came from a broken home. I am...well you get the jist....

It's crazy. I am even forced to defend myself against things I do NOT even say. But she THINKS I am going to say something so I get dumped on as if I actually said it....

But bring it to her attention and forget about it. Doesn't happen, never existed.

And forget about EVER learning from your mistakes. Once wronged, always the victim...

And she wonders why her apologies ring so hollow to me.

Haven't bumped uglies in about 6 weeks and I live with the woman. I don't know if I am attracted to her anymore. I don't believe in make up sex I guess. Fighting completly turns me off, the last thing I want to do after an argument is the pillow dance. So needless to say, I've done nothing much but fight for as long as I care to remember. Fuck I can't even ask her where I can take her for dinner tonight without catching flak.

Aside from that, I think I can confirm the idea that if you ain't doin it for a while, the desire to do it wanes. But what the hell do I know, maybe I just need somebody different. Somebody who doesn't blame me for her issues. You have not seen baggage the way I have seen baggage...

Yeah so I bogarted the title from Family Matters, sue me!

to write something every day. How successful I will be remains to be seen. If I can't hold this job down, forget about it. The next time you hear from me will be in some foreign country getting shot at again. Sooner or later there comes a point in time where you have to embrace your fate and stop trying to change it. And recent history speaks to a path I do not want to walk down but may have no choice.

I've got to make this work if I am ever going to be able to see her for who she really is.

And who I really am.

tonight at least. I guess that is what I heard her say between muttering "asshole" and something else on her way out this morning while I slept, or tried to. She'd be home by now were she ever gonna be. Guess I have the night to myself.

Don't know how I feel about that. The girl drives me nuts but I can't see myself without her in my life. Guess that's love, but soon you will be asking yourself what the fuck this looney toon is doing with that 5150...

My mom is trying to set me up with some of her friends. Younger friends. Guess I know how she feels about the whole situation. I wish I was not a man of principles because I'd just walk out of this closet the both of us share and leave her high and, well, fucked....which would suit me just fine were I really the asshole she thinks of me, but seeing as though I am not, I am going to have to suffer. Oh what a joyous song the heavens will sing come this September....I think...

The whore threw a candle at me today. A big five pound pier one fucking candle right at my fucking grill. I'd be in jail right now if she connected but she throws like a girl.

I guess this what I have to expect now from the woman. She can't take my "hearing loss" any longer. And here I thought I would never have to relive highschool ever again. But the freshpuke is getting beat around by the big ole senior yet again. I tune her out just like I tuned them out.

Yeah there is a lot of history to this you don't know....but you will...

Party in my pants, I mean at my place....woo hoo....